Here are the top 10 things you should be doing if your contemplating separation or your divorce case has already started:

 

(1) Get informed about the process - having information is Powerful. This website was designed to get you the information necessary to make informed decisions. So much of what you do in a divorce or custody situation depends on having information that is both current and relevant.

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(2) Avoid lawyers that only provide information about the "standard" process without any thought about how to approach an issue in a way that could save your time and money. Often creative settlements end a case quickly and affordably. The standard process is slow and expensive. 

 

(3) Avoid lawyers that appear to pander. These are the attorneys that tell you everything you want to hear. You'll receive advice that the divorce will get you everything you want or expect. It often never happens that way, and these lawyers will only later blame the Judge or the system. They know what you want to hear, so they will say anything to take your money.

 

(4) If your divorce has not yet started, consider filing first. You may not be emotionally prepared to start your divorce just yet, but there are strong considerations for filing first.  You can click here to know more about why you should file first.

 

(5) If you have been served with divorce papers, get comfortable that the divorce will happen whether you want the divorce or not.  For more information what you should be doing once you've been served, click here. You can't stop the divorce, but you can better prepare for a good outcome and a soft landing. 

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(6) If you haven't been served yet, but are expecting that to happen soon, DO NOT read the documents that are handed to you. The assertions in a divorce petition are usually hurtful and inflammatory. There are legal reasons why the paperwork has to be worded that way, but it's probably best to take the papers and hand them to a lawyer of your choosing. 

 

(7) If you're the one that filed the case (or are planning to file), then try to put the best settlement terms upfront with your lawyer.  No one wants a Judge to decide their divorce, and no one wants to pay costly attorney's fees. Therefore, talk settlement and do this early in the case.

 

(8) Do not be vindictive or try to get a leg up against your spouse. The lawyers and the Judge have seen just about every move a spouse can make. You and your lawyer will not achieve anything with sneaky moves other than to invite litigation, if not begging for it. 

 

(9) If your case is underway, and you feel that your case is going sideways, or your lawyer is just keeping things warm to bill another month on your file, you're probably right.  Talk to a another lawyer that knows how to avoid the all too common drawn out case.

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(10) Learn the secrets that divorce lawyers know and save thousands. Most people do not understand the legal process and its implications; you should consult with an attorney regarding the entire process.  Not all attorneys are exactly alike. Attorneys have different styles and skill sets. Your job is to ensure that your attorney is essentially the best at what he or she does.  Second-place in divorce is the first-place loser.  

 

Get an attorney that knows what they are doing.  Lawyers that dabble in divorce are likely unable to provide guidance and advice on all the various unique aspects of divorce law, and the process.  Anyone can look up a law, only a seasoned divorce lawyer knows how those laws interact with each other and how judges usually treat the same situation.

 

On a final note, do everything you can to keep your case out of the courtroom, but be realistic. Many spouses and parents know they should keep court time to a minimum, but many become dreamy about non-court resolution.  Often spouses waste thousands of dollars on mediation or other out-of-court processes with no result having fallen victim to a lawyer that doesn't know the psychology behind the divorce or the process.  Experience counts. 

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